The School Run An Anthropological Goldmine

So I’ve been off looking after the girls while my wife was away on business for the past two weeks. I loved every second of it so when I win the lottery I shall be retiring to be a stay at home dad.

One thing that fascinated me was the school run, the politics, the fashion, the tantrums.  I live in leafy Herts and everyday was an eye opener.  Attenborough would have a field day about the cliques and anthropological goings on at 8.45am every day.  

Here are just a few types I've noticed on the school pick up

The Alpha Mum

Knows everyone, knows everyone’s business.  Runs the show like she was the prison top girl. Has a gang of slightly lower on the social spectrum mums that she is always to be found around.  Teachers and small countries are scared of her. Frequently tanned from her exotic holidays. Drives a 4x4. And everyone knows about it.

The Organiser

When she’s not mothering her own she’s trying to organise everyone else. “Fancy the PTA quiz night?” “Can I interest you in the 70’s disco at the school?” “Would you like to come around for a Neal’s yard party?” “Can I count on you to help with the Easter parade”... “No piss off”   Only marginally more popular than ‘Weird Dad in a Hat’

The Glam Young Mum

The glam young mother that many others look enviously at, always immaculately groomed she sashays into the playground like she was on a catwalk in Milan. Stick thin, no one speaks to her except other young mums and all the dads…

The Weird Dad in a Hat

There is always that dad wearing an awkward baseball cap that if you saw hanging around the school playground at any other time you’d probably call the police.  When you arrive you realise it’s just you and him so you start signing up for ‘the organisers’ events or finding some very interesting spam email on your phone.

The Gym Mum

Always drops the kids off wearing sportswear and a full face of make up, a look that attempts to say that I’m off to Pilates for a couple of hours, a swim, then massage before eating an organic salad for lunch.  But actually just says that I couldn't be bothered to get dressed this morning and this is just a more socially acceptable version of PJ’s and Uggs to do the school run.

The Thinks he’s a Ladies Man Dad

Despite the fact he’s nearer 40, but dresses 15 years younger, has a pot belly and male pattern baldness he believes he’s something from a Diet coke break.  Surveys the young mums and anyone that gives him a second glance like a geriatric Lion on the plains of the Serengeti.  Makes eye contact and assumes they’re 'up for it'.

The Grandparents

Normally chasing around a younger sibling trying to get them to stop climbing on the playground climbing frame and “please sit in their buggy and see if they can see their bigger brother/sister”  will talk to anyone.  Best smiled to but avoided.

The Working Mum

Working glamour with a hint of breakfast cereal, always nicely turned out but not quite perfect as is the way when getting dressed in the morning involves ready break smeared toddlers hanging off one leg while their 5 year old roots around in the make up bag dropping foundation on the floor, which she then gives up and goes without.

The Late Mum

On walking out of the gate after dropping the kids off at school, she’s manically heading the other way pushing a Phil & Teds buggy with two kids in and another walking behind looking disheveled, and missing a coat.  Always last to drop off and last to pick up.  Doesn't work.  Just a terrible time keeper. Always seems to be a red head. 

The Joy of Fatherhood?

This is an important one to me; I've been reading https://reluctantdaddio.wordpress.com/ about one’s man’s difficulty about becoming a dad for the first time. It’s an excellent read into what is a somewhat of a taboo subject…

My own experience was very similar, below is an abbreviated slightly edited comment that I left on his blog that I wanted to share, to make sure it’s clear that not everyone lives in a ‘Hollywood’ world of parenting where everything is fine and dandy.

“I make no bones about it; I remember standing in the kitchen with the baby crying thinking “ I've made the biggest mistake of my life… I don’t want this.” everyone told me it would be an amazing experience, that it was magical, and how lucky I was. Bollocks! I absolutely hated every single second of it. I was surrounded by other dads talking about what their baby was doing how they loved it, I thought it was just me that felt this way and there must be something wrong.

The baby would not stop crying, it wouldn't sleep, it was always angry, you hear stories of a parent just losing their temper and committing infanticide, while I never entertained those thoughts I could totally understand it. I didn't bond with the child, I was disinterested… I wanted my old life back. My wife was moody & depressed (PND); I had to put on a brave face for her even though I was feeling exactly the same. After all my wife had 9 months of change to her life during pregnancy, for a dad it’s like switching a light on, and even my own mother tells me I was no good with ‘change’ as a child!

As my daughter grew up things gradually changed, as she grew from baby to little person the bond started to happen. Interest in world around her meant all of a sudden I was of use, the fact she was sleeping and could start to communicate through some baby signing helped. Things are different now; I love it I really do.  Sure there are times that you wish for an afternoon spent in the pub with mates or a round of golf, and then you think of life without kids and think yourselves lucky.

However one thing I always do is try and make a point of openly telling new dads that I meet how much I hated the first year of fatherhood. My wife will often tell me off saying I sound like I hate my daughters, that isn't the case, I grew to love them. It’s a taboo that new dads never mention or too afraid to mention, you’ll be surprised how many others out of earshot of their other halves or over a beer say the same.”

Dad’s need to be more open about their difficulties in coming to terms with fatherhood, there is a ton of help for new mums but as far as I’m aware next to nothing for new dads. When we dare mention we're not 100% happy we’re often told to grow up, that we're being selfish or to stop wallowing in self-pity.  It’s reactions like this that mean dads struggle in silence alone, afraid to talk and with no help or support and worst cases see the only solution as leaving the family unit.  Maybe we should all think twice at the 'advice' we offer and support both new Mothers and Fathers?

Hopefully the experience of ‘Reluctand Daddio’ and others talking openly about their difficulties of becoming new Dads will help others who are concerned they don’t feel anything like that bloke from the Athena poster.