The School Run An Anthropological Goldmine

So I’ve been off looking after the girls while my wife was away on business for the past two weeks. I loved every second of it so when I win the lottery I shall be retiring to be a stay at home dad.

One thing that fascinated me was the school run, the politics, the fashion, the tantrums.  I live in leafy Herts and everyday was an eye opener.  Attenborough would have a field day about the cliques and anthropological goings on at 8.45am every day.  

Here are just a few types I've noticed on the school pick up

The Alpha Mum

Knows everyone, knows everyone’s business.  Runs the show like she was the prison top girl. Has a gang of slightly lower on the social spectrum mums that she is always to be found around.  Teachers and small countries are scared of her. Frequently tanned from her exotic holidays. Drives a 4x4. And everyone knows about it.

The Organiser

When she’s not mothering her own she’s trying to organise everyone else. “Fancy the PTA quiz night?” “Can I interest you in the 70’s disco at the school?” “Would you like to come around for a Neal’s yard party?” “Can I count on you to help with the Easter parade”... “No piss off”   Only marginally more popular than ‘Weird Dad in a Hat’

The Glam Young Mum

The glam young mother that many others look enviously at, always immaculately groomed she sashays into the playground like she was on a catwalk in Milan. Stick thin, no one speaks to her except other young mums and all the dads…

The Weird Dad in a Hat

There is always that dad wearing an awkward baseball cap that if you saw hanging around the school playground at any other time you’d probably call the police.  When you arrive you realise it’s just you and him so you start signing up for ‘the organisers’ events or finding some very interesting spam email on your phone.

The Gym Mum

Always drops the kids off wearing sportswear and a full face of make up, a look that attempts to say that I’m off to Pilates for a couple of hours, a swim, then massage before eating an organic salad for lunch.  But actually just says that I couldn't be bothered to get dressed this morning and this is just a more socially acceptable version of PJ’s and Uggs to do the school run.

The Thinks he’s a Ladies Man Dad

Despite the fact he’s nearer 40, but dresses 15 years younger, has a pot belly and male pattern baldness he believes he’s something from a Diet coke break.  Surveys the young mums and anyone that gives him a second glance like a geriatric Lion on the plains of the Serengeti.  Makes eye contact and assumes they’re 'up for it'.

The Grandparents

Normally chasing around a younger sibling trying to get them to stop climbing on the playground climbing frame and “please sit in their buggy and see if they can see their bigger brother/sister”  will talk to anyone.  Best smiled to but avoided.

The Working Mum

Working glamour with a hint of breakfast cereal, always nicely turned out but not quite perfect as is the way when getting dressed in the morning involves ready break smeared toddlers hanging off one leg while their 5 year old roots around in the make up bag dropping foundation on the floor, which she then gives up and goes without.

The Late Mum

On walking out of the gate after dropping the kids off at school, she’s manically heading the other way pushing a Phil & Teds buggy with two kids in and another walking behind looking disheveled, and missing a coat.  Always last to drop off and last to pick up.  Doesn't work.  Just a terrible time keeper. Always seems to be a red head. 

The Joy of Fatherhood?

This is an important one to me; I've been reading https://reluctantdaddio.wordpress.com/ about one’s man’s difficulty about becoming a dad for the first time. It’s an excellent read into what is a somewhat of a taboo subject…

My own experience was very similar, below is an abbreviated slightly edited comment that I left on his blog that I wanted to share, to make sure it’s clear that not everyone lives in a ‘Hollywood’ world of parenting where everything is fine and dandy.

“I make no bones about it; I remember standing in the kitchen with the baby crying thinking “ I've made the biggest mistake of my life… I don’t want this.” everyone told me it would be an amazing experience, that it was magical, and how lucky I was. Bollocks! I absolutely hated every single second of it. I was surrounded by other dads talking about what their baby was doing how they loved it, I thought it was just me that felt this way and there must be something wrong.

The baby would not stop crying, it wouldn't sleep, it was always angry, you hear stories of a parent just losing their temper and committing infanticide, while I never entertained those thoughts I could totally understand it. I didn't bond with the child, I was disinterested… I wanted my old life back. My wife was moody & depressed (PND); I had to put on a brave face for her even though I was feeling exactly the same. After all my wife had 9 months of change to her life during pregnancy, for a dad it’s like switching a light on, and even my own mother tells me I was no good with ‘change’ as a child!

As my daughter grew up things gradually changed, as she grew from baby to little person the bond started to happen. Interest in world around her meant all of a sudden I was of use, the fact she was sleeping and could start to communicate through some baby signing helped. Things are different now; I love it I really do.  Sure there are times that you wish for an afternoon spent in the pub with mates or a round of golf, and then you think of life without kids and think yourselves lucky.

However one thing I always do is try and make a point of openly telling new dads that I meet how much I hated the first year of fatherhood. My wife will often tell me off saying I sound like I hate my daughters, that isn't the case, I grew to love them. It’s a taboo that new dads never mention or too afraid to mention, you’ll be surprised how many others out of earshot of their other halves or over a beer say the same.”

Dad’s need to be more open about their difficulties in coming to terms with fatherhood, there is a ton of help for new mums but as far as I’m aware next to nothing for new dads. When we dare mention we're not 100% happy we’re often told to grow up, that we're being selfish or to stop wallowing in self-pity.  It’s reactions like this that mean dads struggle in silence alone, afraid to talk and with no help or support and worst cases see the only solution as leaving the family unit.  Maybe we should all think twice at the 'advice' we offer and support both new Mothers and Fathers?

Hopefully the experience of ‘Reluctand Daddio’ and others talking openly about their difficulties of becoming new Dads will help others who are concerned they don’t feel anything like that bloke from the Athena poster.

The Saunders Family

It seems utterly ridiculous to feel so down by the passing of a family pet in my previous post when the amazing Saunders family have been through so much more pain in the same period.

Please follow their story here - http://www.facebook.com/ameliasmiracle?fref=ts

Dealing with Grief as a 4 year old

January is always a terrible month.  But this January has been awful.

Finances are tight and Christmas was a frugal one so when our beloved family cat Millie started to go downhill just before Christmas, we spent everything we could to try and make her better.  After several visits to the vet over Christmas and upwards of £400 we could barely afford on treatments not covered by insurance, we made the tough decision to have her put to sleep.  My wife was very attached to the Cat and wanted to bury her in the garden, I was less keen wanting the garden to remain a happy family space rather than a graveyard.  Lots of tears were shed.

But to my wife and I Millie was our first baby who we’d had for over 10 years, without sounding like a pitch for a bestselling book “Millie and Me” the cat was around to offer comfort when we were struggling to conceive and my wife suffered a long bout of depression, she had been with us through our lives from trendy twenty some things to married thirty something parents.

This is the first time (and I hope for a long time) both girls have ever experienced death and loss. Sure my grandmother passed away last year but she was living in a home could barely speak or hear. A visit was more of a frightening experience for the Girls than a pleasant one.   Besides my grandmother never slept at the bottom on number 1’s bed or followed number 2 around trying to steal her food… although she did piss on the carpet on occasion.

My wife explained on picking number 1 up from school that Millie had passed away and we’d bury her in the garden.  #1 was inquisitive, “can I see her?”  “Will she be with Greatnan now?”  but on the whole she seemed fine.  The following day she came home with a picture she’d drawn of something she’d like to put on Millie’s grave, I tried, I really did, but part grief, part touched by childish innocence I couldn't help shed a tear there and then.  She looked mortified she’d upset her big brave daddy.   

After that #1 wanted to go and see where the cat is buried in the garden, every day, even in the snow. Drawings coming home from school mostly featured cats, while books she borrowed from the School library were about looking after Cats.  While the bedtime story of choice was 'Tabby McTatt' or 'The Wishcat'. She even started sitting in the cats preferred places - on top of the sofa, by the radiator while sleeping in her own bed became an issue, which it hadn't been for a long while.

It was obvious she was dealing with grief but her little brain didn't really understand why or how to manifest itself.  Not sure what to do I turned to twitter, several people suggested the Lion King was a good film to watch, given number 1 is not yet 4 and a half, I thought maybe too subtle.  

It was @workingmumuk that offered up the following useful tips (and I hope I’m not breaking any trust by sharing them)

• ·         To tell number 1, It’s OK to be sad and miss the cat
• ·         The concept of heaven (despite not being religious) made it easier for Children to accept someone was going to a happy place with others they knew
• ·         She also suggested a star to remember the cat by  

Armed with this new advice we sat down and suggested that #1 should plant a flower where the cat was buried and we’d remember the nice times we spent together with the cat every time we looked at it, we also put a picture up on our picture wall of the Cat and her together. This seemed to go down very well with number 1 & we don’t seem to have had any problems since.

I still miss the cat though.

The Snowman & The Snowdog

"We're walking in the air, we're walking in the moonlit sky"

If you're a thirty-something like me than that will be the voice of the angelic Aled Jones before he really went off the rails and became the presenter of Songs of Praise. (Ironically Aled Jones is actually a Satanist but has been typecast now as a goody two shoes god botherer.)

Anyway the follow up to the slightly wistfully melancholic The Snowman airs at the preposterously late time of 8pm on Christmas Eve, when most of it's target audience will be tucked up in bed.  The Snowman and the Snowdog will be watched by the aforementioned thirty-somethings, and Aled Jones with a big bucket of coke and some hookers wondering where it all went so wrong for his much dreamed of rock career.  But thank heavens for Sky+ where you can be nostalgically reminded for the next 365 days of your childhood Christmas, and that year you didn't get the Girls World/Evil Knievil / Speak & Spell / Spirograph.

Anyway because the little darlings will miss it seeing it at the first airing Channel 4 have brought out a wonderful little app for Android, iPhone and Ipad for you to experience flying over London with a snowman first hand, which is normally only done with the again aforementioned bucket of coke.

Anyway far too many edgy jokes for a parenting blog.



The game is lovely, catch the snowflakes to extend time, let the snowdog show you different routes from Hastings upto London then on to the North Pole.  Gain bonuses by following the prompts on screen to find 10 angels, snowmen on the street or other such festive findings. The music is terrific wonderful as befitting such an icon of so many peoples childhood. It really is a wonderful little game, which will be loved by the kids and get the parents welling up with memories of Christmases past.

The best bit is this is totally free. Experience it yourself... it's better than that stupid Evil Knievil toy ever was.

Out of the mouth of... Number 1 aged four and a half

"I've got a coconut in my pocket"
She had a conker


"Hopefully a bad man won't kill Father Christmas and ruin it"

i assume she;d picked up on the news of the US shootings, after explaining that killing was very bad and death was very sad she replied...

"Except for greatnan she was very old and just wanted to go..."


...she's far too smart for her own good sometimes.

Wonderbook Book Of Spells - Review

Wonderbook Book of Spells, Sony’s latest family offering for their PS3 console gives budding Harry’s, Ron’s and Hermione’s a chance to experience visiting Hogwarts without the need to be locked in the cupboard under the stairs. Social services breathe a sigh of relief, and I get to regurgitate the same joke I've made in a previous post…

The set-up is very simple.  PlayStation Eye Camera that plugs straight into PS3’s USB port on the front of the machine, a ‘Move’ controller that a cross between an Lightsabre and an expensive Myla toy, and a book that looks like a series of big QR codes.   Put the disc in and away you go.  Simple.

What comes out is simply magical, the Camera reads the series of images on the book and the Ps3 creates an image on your TV of a virtual world where the book transforms into a magical artifact while the move Move controller is your wand.  Of course this would be nothing if you didn't also see yourself on screen, you are very much the lead role in this Harry Potter film.

In front of your eyes and around your living room Dragons swoop, bubbles appear on your head to help you breathe under water, while the lore of the Harry Potter universe is explained in a series of short stories where Children can choose which missing word to insert. You’re encouraged to learn spells and cast them with a swish of the wrist or a more complex wave of your wand.  In a nutshell it’s lovely lovely idea, both encouraging children to play but also learn and read without even realising they are.  While it won’t ever replace books and will never be a bedtime story it is a nice fun way for kids to have fun than the more passive and less social TV watching

Number 1 is only four and while she knows of Harry Potter she’s not really aware of the wider universe, but she had great fun squirting virtual water over Daddy in a spell.  Although her hands were a little small to handle the controller she’s of the age, where she can get the hang of it and gets frustrated when she can’t do it, so frustrations were solely with herself rather than the Wonderbook itself. Number 2 was equally entranced although it involved hitting the TV to interact as most things do when you’re not yet two.  The game itself is much more suitable for slightly older Children aged 7-12, although Adults will find it equally as enchanting to play along on Christmas day.

The only real downside we could find is that your living room needs to be lit with a wattage akin to Wembley stadiums floodlights for best performance. Although it worked perfectly well in our more mood lit lounge, the cheap camera seems to not quite display at it’s best level.

The starter pack is £50 and contains everything you need to get started - Camera, Move Controller, WonderBook & Game

All in all it gets a big recommend from us.